It’s a Saturday… so why am I posting something?
Well, I’m off to Edinburgh tomorrow- I will have limited internet access so I may or may not be able to post, if not then I hope you have a lovely week and I’ll see you on Monday 18th.
See you soon!
’til next time,
Something happened to me recently that didn’t quite sit right. Someone used my mental health problems as an excuse for why I was unhappy with what they were doing and therefore got themselves ‘off the hook’.
I feel a little bit strange about this.
I’ve been lucky enough to not have that happen to me before, I don’t tell a lot of people about my mental health problems but recently I’ve been more willing to open up.
I disagree with someone that I work with, she has authority over me which makes things a little difficult. It’s not a personal problem, I just feel that she crosses the line a lot and does a lot of things that I’m really uncomfortable with. When she recently asked me why I was hesitant to work with her again I told her that I felt that we didn’t gel.
I told her calmly and professionally that I felt my style and working and her style of directing were completely different and that I was unhappy with the way that she was speaking to people. Personally I feel that she gets very personal when she criticises people- though I didn’t say this to her, I kept it very polite. I said that neither of our ways of working were wrong, they just don’t gel with each other.
She told me that due to my mental health problems I have problems with authority and that’s why I was having a problem with her; she was behaving in a way that ‘normal’ people would be fine with.
This is the first, and hopefully the last, time that someone has managed to make me feel powerless and tiny by using my mental health problems against me. I felt so small sat in that office. It took a lot of self control to tell her calmly that I didn’t feel that my mental health played a part in my feelings towards her actions- but she dismissed that one easily.
A week on from the incident and I still don’t know how to respond. Looking back I can see that she’s made comments like that before; but not as explicitly as last week. Like it or not, having a mental illness still means that your opinion, your voice, can be questioned and doubted.
For the first time in a long time I feel powerless.
’til next time,
Maybe this should have been under ‘I’… oh well.
Paganism is an identity. I would say that I identify as a Pagan- if I were to tell you that I’m a Pagan you could probably very easily paint a fairly accurate picture about the things that I hold dear and the processes that go on in my mind. I’m not saying that we can all be stereotyped into one group, but you can get a good general picture.
I am proud to identify as a Pagan, it’s something that I like to tell people about. I came to Paganism when I was going through the first big upheaval in my life; I was eleven, moving onto secondary school and having to face the fact that I wasn’t the cleverest or quietest anymore. I had to find a new home, and that home was Paganism.
I’ve always had Pagan beliefs, but finding the definition of ‘Pagan’ in a dictionary when I was eleven finally allowed me to put a name to them. It also gave me an identity that felt more flexible than the one I’d had. Being a Pagan allowed me to grow.
It took a few years for me to settle into Wicca; the identity that that gave me was different to just being a Pagan, it was less respected and more laughed at- telling people you do spells will never get anything other than a raised eyebrow- but it didn’t sit quite right with me.
Eventually I realised that my love settled at the feet of the old Celtic Gods and so began to refer to myself as a Celtic Pagan.
Identifying as a Pagan means that you’re an outsider (not a bad thing), you’re in touch with nature, you’re independent, you see beyond the physical world. It means that you don’t allow yourself to become trapped in the death-cycle of work and money. Your feet are firmly rooted into the Earth herself.