I’ve been thinking about babies recently.
Just thinking about them, mind, not taking steps towards having them. I have to finish the degree that I started, find out what the hell I want to do with my life, take steps towards making that a reality, come to terms with the idea of pushing a small human out of my vagina and gain some more life experience. Maybe then I’ll be ready to have a baby.
Also, I should point out that my cousin just had a baby and I went to the Christening over the weekend. That’s what prompted the whole ‘baby’ thing that’s currently happening in my brain (and spilling over onto my blog.)
It’s going to be years before I really think about having children, however for the purpose of this post I want to talk about something to do with them.
I worry that my children might have problems like I did.
I have no idea how I’d react if that happened- I don’t think any of us do. It scares me to think that I might bring a child into a world where they would be miserable. I had a textbook perfect upbringing and I still had problems.
I think it comes down to the age old question: nature or nurture?
Personally I think that it’s a combination of both, I can see areas of my upbringing that could have caused me to have mental health problems- bullying, especially the sexual bullying that I experienced as well as my lack of social skills contributed to me feeling isolated, unhappy and like an abnormal outsider.
However I also think that there is a genetic component… so I could create children with the same minds and the same hormones and the same problems as myself.
I don’t think this will stop me from wanting children of my own, or from having them. Mental illness isn’t the only thing that can run in families, many other illnesses do too and if we all cowered in fear of passing on the genes that we don’t like then this plant would be empty of our species before very long.
At the end of the day I can only hope that if/when I do have children I’ll be able to deal with whatever problems come up, whether they be serious, mundane, physical or mental.
’til next time,