Pagan Blog Project: Out of the Broom Closet

Yes, it’s a friday- and yes, I am posting something for the PBP!

I wanted to write about my experience of coming out of the broom closet as I think that it’s quite different to the usual stories on the subject… thought hopefully not, it would be rather lovely if everyone had the same experience as me… but I digress.

The difference with me is that I was never really in the broom closet, as soon as I decided to follow Paganism I was open about it- I mean, I didn’t sit and rattle on about it all day but if I was asked I would answer honestly.

I live in Harrogate, the ‘little London’ of the North (actually an inaccurate description- it’s just sort of middle class and boring and shit.) and the response to my religion has generally been apathy or calm interest.

Being Pagan is a great topic of conversation- it’s gotten me into conversations with people who would otherwise have never spoken to me and made them respect me as a human being. People generally think I’m just a bit of a hippy- but I’d rather that than them thinking of me as a heretic.

Sometimes it’s made people back off a little, but only in an apprehensive way- usually when I explain it a little to them they calm down and are fine with it- and I still get several people requesting me to do magick for them on an almost daily basis, but I’ve never had any serious problem with it.

My family’s reaction was one of ‘we won’t ask, you won’t talk about it and you can do what you like’ they let me stay up all night and have candles burning on the Solstices and I have an altar and do rituals whenever I want to.

It did take a little while to establish some boundaries- like getting Ma to stop leaving my washing on my altar (although she still refuses to call Paganism a ‘religion’) but I was firm and calm about it and she eventually backed off.

So, all in all being Pagan and being out about it has made me friends, gained me respect and allowed me to see the world in a more mature, educated light… even if most of the people around me do think that I spend my weekends dancing naked around bonfires 😉

Blessed be,

Wren x

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Pagan Blog Project: Avalon

So, it’s time for a Pagan Fri- wait, it’s Saturday! What madness is this? Well my friends, this is me trying to sneak in a post on an important topic that I was too tired/lazy to do last night… so anyway, here it is and I hope you enjoy.

Now, as Pagans I think we should all be familiar with what ‘Avalon’ is- but this isn’t about that, this is about what Avalon means to me.

About three years ago I was listening to an episode of Druidcast that featured an interview with a Druid living in Glastonbury- it was this that started my obsession with the place, and my determination to visit.

Glastonbury is a place of pilgrimage, a place where the Gods still reside and I know in my bones that I’m meant to go there. The thought of the Tor, of Avalon, has drawn me through the darkness of the last few years and given me a goal that’s pulled me through my worst episodes.

For me Avalon is the beacon in the distance, the bright point that represents hope and freedom- freedom from my depression and various life-crap.

Avalon is the isle of Arthur and Guinevere in Celtic mythology, a mystical place far away from this world- non-Pagans may look at me going to Glastonbury Tor to try and connect with this as being stupid and tell me that I need to think about the difference between fact and fiction… but there is no difference.

There is no difference between the myths and the world that we live in today- and why should there be? I can’t fully explain how all this works in my mind- just trust me when I say that it does- everything just sort of merges into one, and it works.

For me Avalon is the future and the past, it’s escape to safety and a chance to connect with the core of life itself.

So that’s me- what does Avalon mean to you?

Blessed be,

Wren x

A Little Rollercoaster

So, as the title suggests this may start with being a tad depressing, but it will end on a happy note, I promise!

A couple of things have been really grating on my nerves recently- the first thing is that I’ve now missed my period two months in a row… oops. I thought it was coming on Sarturday night but it was only a few weak spots- so now we’re back to square one. I feel rough and more than a little concerned; the last time I missed two in a row I ended up being very, very ill- I’m putting it down to depression as I only miss them when my mood’s really low- which is the other thing that’s bothering me.

The second thing is what happened last night (I say that like you must all psychically know what I’m talking about…) I became pretty hysterical and convinced that the shadow-men were coming for me- I then went even more loopy and stood naked in the bathroom scrubbing myself with a ratty towel until I was sore.

Right now I’m worried about the future, my friends and relationships and my ability to live independently- the psychiatrist told me that there was nothing anyone could do to make me better and right now I’m scared and lonely and desperate. I badly need help- but there’s nothing that can help me.

I was pretty scared last night, not sure what happened to me or why but it’s really thrown me off- part of me keeps saying that I can’t possibly go through life with the potential for that to happen at any moment, but the other part reminds me that I really don’t have a choice.

Anyway, in slightly cheerier news it was snowing up here in Yorkshire today- and I took some lovely photos on the way to school, so here they are:

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’til next time,

Wren x

 

An Update

Wow, it’s been a slightly crazy week (or so- not actually sure when I last posted something) but my absence this time is due to many, many mad and exciting things happening, so I don’t think I can be blamed for that 😉

Firstly I had a little jaunt down to London for an interview at Queen Mary’s University- as per usual I did something to embarrass myself- this time it was standing up and doing an improvised, mimed workout routine during the middle of the interview- bear in mind that the interview consisted on me and one woman sat in a small office- I was stood there casually doing squats whilst my brain screamed at me to STOP IT AND SIT DOOOOOWN!!! Which I eventually did… she seemed to take it pretty well and laughed instead of giving me a horrified stare so I think I got away with it 🙂

Once the interview was done I met up with the Father Bear who took me for a burger in Wetherspoons and then twas onwards back up to Yorkshire- but not before I managed to take out half a tube carriage (seriously, blame whichever moron put the bloody handrails on the ceiling- means that although trains and Londoners stop moving at each station midgets do not…)

Journey back involved me desperately trying to do the last of my psychology revision (exam this Wednesday… argh!) which I eventually managed, even despite the rocking of the train and my random nausea.

Thursday saw me getting my head down to pick out some monologues in preparation for my Guildhall and RADA auditions- it also saw me finding the light in the end of the tunnel regarding my singing woes, this light came in the form of Tybalt (AKA the god of musicals) who eased me through finding my range and told me which musicals to avoid using songs from- all I need to do now is firm up my choice of song and get over my serious singing phobia 😦

Then, on Friday the 11th of January I turned 18- oh yeah, the big one-eight! I celebrated in style by falling asleep in psychology (whilst sat opposite the teacher- apparently she and the rest of the class just stared at me for a couple of minutes until I woke up and then laughed at me…) and then we wandered down to the chippy for birthday chips 😀 and I nipped into the shop and bought ALCOHOL! The dude on the till was lovely and wished me a happy birthday, I was all cheery and excited, my mood was only improved by bumping into my primary school headteacher as I left the shop with my carrier bag full of booze- he stared at me for a while before seemingly recognising me and then staring at my drinky in shock.

We ended up down in drama with chips and other lovely things, I then spent the afternoon chilling on the sofas in sixth form with my lovely friends and Tybalt + Benvolio.

*deep breath*

THEN I spent a little time afterschool down in drama with Mercutio and Romeo messing around with wheely chairs and broom handles (minds out of the gutter please…) before wandering home to open my lovely, lovely presents and then going out for pizza with some more of my friends- the only bad moment of the day was when I mistook someone walking past us for my friend Bee, who took her own life about two months ago- I hadn’t thought about it much lately and so that was a real shock to the system.

After pizza I went and bought more alcohol and then we all went and played on the swings in the park (classy, I know) and then made our way back to our respective homes.

… yeah, it doesn’t end there…

There’s still my party to write about, that was last night- but I think I’m going to try and get some fun pictures off of Cee before I try and write about that…

So there we are, just wanted to get anyone who cares up to date on my life and promise you that interesting things are on their way! I’m carrying on with the Pagan Blog Project (bloody hell- can’t believe I’ll have been doing that for about a year!)

’til next time,

Wren x

 

Onwards and Upwards

It feels a little like I’ve been having some kind of enforced hibernation recently due to a combination of the holiday season, a severe lack of internet and my looming exams all of which have forced me to remain indoors and away from my laptop… however with the holiday season over for this year and my internet back up and running (no comment on the revision situation 😛 ) I’m making a brief reappearance!

I want to say a huge, huge, HUGE thank you to the lovely people who commented on my last post- your words really meant a lot to me so thank you! I have yet to catch up on what’s happening with the world as I have 200 emails to read (seriously, two weeks of no internet and I get 200 emails…) interviews and auditions to prepare for and my 18th birthday looming so bear with me, haha.

’til next time,

Wren x