Things in my life are starting to pick up pace. R’s leaving date is coming closer and closer, it’s making me think a lot about life, relationships and careers.
I’m choosing not to go with R when he leaves. Instead I’m staying here to finish my degree.
I don’t like being idle, I have to leave the house everyday or else I start to start to feel a little trapped. Sometimes it’s nice to curl up for a day but it gets old pretty fast. As much as I hate my job I’d go a little mad without it; I’m the kind of person who needs to work.
The more time I spend working a dead-end job, the more I become determined to get my degree to do something else with my life. I have lots of things that I want to try and I’m happy to keep my ideas for the future vague. Right now I don’t want to pigeon-hole myself into a career.
Life experience is invaluable and can’t be rushed. The years I’ve spent studying on my own have given me such valuable experience, they’ve taught me independence and personal responsibility.
I could go with R when he leaves, but I wouldn’t be me if I did that. I need something to pour my energy into, I like having my days filled and busy. This year has been enough of a taste of that for me and I don’t want it anymore. My course finished a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been going out of my mind with boredom ever since! I’m so antsy right now, I think I must be driving R completely over the edge.
(On the plus side I’ve done a lot of writing and ploughed through some seriously dry history books.)
Getting out of the house and having a job, even a crap one, helps my mental health so much. I can’t even put into words the state I’d be in if I wasn’t doing anything. My job may be rubbish and (at times) a little degrading, but it gives me a sense of work and accomplishment. I love going and earning my own money and having that complete independence.
Work is essential for my mental health. I think it’s good for anyone’s mental health. Most of the time (depending on your job) it forces you to socialise, sleep and eat at regular times and get out of the house. I’m sure this epiphany is supported by studies undertaken by people far more qualified than I am, but personally it’s only just become clear to me.
So, thank you unnamed-supermarket-chain, for allowing me to maintain my good mental health for the last two years (two years?! Seriously, this was meant to be a summer job…) please give me lots of time off to go travelling this summer?
’til next time,