Limbo is okay; you just have to believe it.
Right now there are a lot of things that I could be doing, I could be kick-starting my career as an actress or theatre maker. I could be applying for jobs, going to auditions- I could be trying.
But I don’t want to; right now I’m not sure what I want to be. I know, distantly, that there are things that I enjoy. I’m writing a little bit (on and off) I’m not committing to a new novel right now but I think I’m working my way towards it.
I don’t feel like I’m lacking in motivation; it’s not like I was when I was experiencing depression. I just don’t know what I want from my life and actually I think that’s okay. A lot of people when they’re my age go through a stage of growing up, trying things and experimenting. I think that I need some time to find my career path.
I definitely want to keep on writing; it’s always been a constant in my life and when I do it I feel like I’m home.
Oddly I don’t feel scared about this limbo that I’m in. I’m working towards a qualification on my own; I feel fairly confident about it. I don’t want to be attached to any kind of institution; school or university. I’m happy to face challenges and try things out on my own. I’m surrounded by amazing people, I have a steady job (boring and frustrating but reliable) and I live in a lovely place.
Right now I’ve got the breathing space that I’ve been after for a long, long time. I can finally see clearly and I feel good about the future. The world is filled with unknowns but I feel prepared to tackle them and plough onwards with my life. One chapter has ended and another is beginning.
Here’s to limbo!
’til next time,