Thanks to the dual evils of menstruation and essay writing I’m not feeling too great now. In order to distract myself from a one-woman pity party (and to stop bothering R whilst he does his taxes) I’m going to write a blog post.
I’ve spent the last couple of days in such a bad mood, it’s most likely due to angry late period hormones, but it’s been really bringing me down. At the moment I’m trying to set myself small goals so that I can work through everything that I need to do. This essay WILL be sent of by the time I have my next shift at work (Sunday) and then next week I can concentrate on blitzing my driving theory and more trips to the dentist.
I should be celebrating four years of TDB, but I’m sorry to say that I’m just not feeling it. I reckon in a couple of weeks I’ll be feeling much better but right now I’m in a bit of a slump. I’m going through one of those phases were I hate, hate, hate my job… it makes me feel like crap to be constantly belittled and spoken down to.
This is a blog about mental health, and about my personal life, so I think it’s okay for me to whine a little.
We’re getting closer and closer to R leaving the country, April is really going to be the last month that I can stick my head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening. It’s going to be so weird to move back in with my parents full-time, and to sleep alone again. It sounds strange but night is the worst time, when he’s been overseas before I’ve had so much trouble sleeping. I hate how lonely and pathetic I feel.
Sometimes I feel angry at all of the people who get to live in the same country as their partner. It’s silly and selfish but it’s what I feel and trying to deny it isn’t going to make me feel any better.
I have a small list of goals for the year that we’re going to be apart. I might fill you in on them soon, but that’s for another post. Right now it’s time for chocolate, tears and sympathy.
A good friend of mine told me a couple of years ago that men didn’t approach me because I gave off a vibe that I didn’t need anyone. I have a lot of friends, I love people and get on easily with 90% of the population; however, I don’t really have any really close friends. R is my best friend, that’s the bedrock of our relationship.
I’m a happy, fulfilled person without R, I have a good time when he’s away and I can function perfectly well; but when I’m with him I feel 10x more confident, relaxed and happy. He makes me a better person, he makes me see the good in things and I’ll never be able to thank him enough for that.
Wow, I think that’s the most sentimental thing I’ve ever written here… blame the painkillers??!