This is a novelty; I have no idea what to write about this Monday. I’ve got plans for Wednesday and Friday, but my mind has dried up on the subject of mental health for the moment; maybe it’s because I’m happy?
I have to say that at the moment I’m really happy. I’m content with my life, it has its ups and downs but overall I think I’m the happiest that I’ve ever been. I have some serious challenges coming up in the next year, but I’m just going to have to grit my teeth and get through them.
As time is passing I’m finding myself discovering who my true friends are. They seems to be the people that I can just pick things up with when I see them again and who keep up with me mentally. It’s kind of sad to see how many of my friends don’t seem to be growing up- they’re still fixated on tiny events that happened years ago when we were at school.
I can’t join in when people start reminiscing about school; I don’t remember most of it and the memories that I do have aren’t happy ones. I was either being bullied or struggling with mental health problems when we were at school. Whilst they were ‘fraping’ each other I was cutting myself in a toilet cubicle.
That probably comes across as more self-pitying than I intended it to- it doesn’t make me emotional to think of, it was my life for a long time and I accept it.
What it does mean is that I don’t like to dwell on the past; some parts were great, but I don’t need to hear the same stories over and over again. If they’re the only things holding us together then our friendships just aren’t going to work. How long can we rehash the same stories before we realise how false our link is?
Things get awkward; time moves on and fewer people turn up to each gathering. There are a couple of my friends who seem desperate to hold us all together, and it isn’t natural. We’re meant to drift, to move on and develop new relationships. Yes, we’ll go for a drink now and then, but that’s it. Why can’t we talk about our lives now? Why can’t we forge new links and share new stories?
I have some lovely and amazing friends, I have friends I’ve known since I was a toddler. Those relationships are the ones that grow and change with time. Others are clearly only meant to last for a short period of time. People and friendships drift in and out of our lives. The hard part it knowing when to let go, and when to hang on.
’til next time,