Me and R went to Whitby for a long weekend, and for some reason I forgot how weeks work and didn’t realise that I’d miss my Mentalist Monday post; so apologies if you were looking forward to that.
I also wanted to put it out there that I have two Feminist Friday posts coming up, so if you fancy that then check back here on Friday.
Last week I went to an interview to see about getting onto the final year of a performance degree course; it didn’t go very well. I’m still waiting to hear back, but I wanted to talk about my interview experience and some of the thoughts that I had. I should start by saying that I enjoyed it and really want a place on the course, I just had EVERYTHING go wrong during the day and was an emotional wreck by the end of it- so it wasn’t a case of the place being awful, but a case of me being awful.
I think my last post on here was me joking about how I’d probably get lost on my way to the aforementioned interview; well I think we can all guess what happened. Add that to some awful menstrual related pain/sickness and you get a pretty stressed out and cranky Wren. All in all, it was ‘just one of those days’.
Plus, when I finally got onto the campus the receptionist told me to walk through a ‘green door’. There were three to choose from, so I picked one at random and walked in.
It was the men’s changing rooms.
No word of a lie, I walked in on about ten naked men… and yes, I saw more than I wanted to see.
After a quick and ungraceful exit I pretty much ran through another green door and thankfully ended up where I was supposed to be. I made a good attempt at pulling myself together but I’m pretty sure I just looked like a pale, slightly sweaty girl with smudged eyeliner rocking back and forth and going from giggling to herself to the verge of tears.
One thing that instantly put me off was that I was surrounded by people a few years younger than myself, most of whom were very nervous and had parents with them. No offence to anyone younger than me or their parents, I just found it weird because I’ve been through that stage of life… and passed it. I’m not that age anymore, and I’ve been to plenty of proper auditions which are (for me) far more frightening than just an interview. It made me feel very old and out of place.
It was strange to talk to people who were still in school and to talk about acting. I’ve dipped my toe in the world of professional acting and a lot of the people in the room were wanting to follow that path. I tried to be helpful and tune out the cynical voice in the back of my mind; just because it didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it won’t work for them.
When I went into the interview the woman was far too enthusiastic; she was too nice- she wanted me to start in the first year of the course and do the whole thing. She thought that it would give me a better ‘experience’. I can understand where she was coming from, but it made me so angry and upset. I’m the sort of person who can only express anger through tears, so I just ended up crying. Which was awkward and embarrassing for both of us.
I don’t want to start from the beginning. I’m not a teenager anymore. I’m a woman, a grown woman who knows what she wants from life. Right now that’s to finish my degree so that I can sort out my personal life, do some travelling and (this is my current plan) start my Masters in psychology. I’ve had the crazy, partying era of my life. I’ve had the teenage years. They were a horrible rollercoaster; but they’re done now.
I spoke to my Mother about it afterwards; she said that time of my life is over. It sounds harsh but I actually agree with her; I’ve worked hard to get where I am now. I don’t want the ‘experience’ of going through a whole degree. I’ve worked a shit, dead-end job for two years to get me to this point in my eduction- why would I throw that away to go back to the start?
The whole experience was very sobering. I realised how much I’ve grown in the last few years and how, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t go back.
’til next time,