In the month of January I wrote about a lot of sensible things, it was a mix of talk about acting and depression. People who’ve auditioned for drama school will know that generally you have your auditions in the Autumn/Winter, leading up to the Christmas period. This meant that I’d done 90% of them by the time 2014 rolled around. So I had a lot to talk about in terms of acting and failure.
As well as this I’d also been on medication for a little while and was adjusting to how it felt, I wrote a few posts on my progress and thoughts on the matter. It felt really strange to finally be taking meds after years of trying everything to avoid taking them…
February means the run-up to SIAD, which meant lots and lots of posts about self-harm! I’m hoping to write more about this in future as it’s a subject that means a lot to me. I also wrote about Valentine’s day and my relationships.
This was also the month where I wrote about reading… my shameful, long and history heavy reading list for the year. I’ll be reviewing my progress on the subject in my next post, so look out for that if you enjoy posts about me failing at life.
In the month of March I got a boyfriend and took my clothes off in public. The two were not related… the latter was in aid of a street performance and was part of a string of drama-heavy posts that I wrote. Two posts about drama that really stand out were the ones I wrote about the reality of acting and getting into drama school. I’m pretty proud of these posts but you can tell that they were written whilst I was having a strop.
As well as this I wrote about two subjects that are close to my heart, sexual bullying and make-up. I also wrote about self-harm to coincide with SIAD and help to raise awareness on the subject. Also, the month of March saw me come of antidepressants, something that happened suddenly but that I don’t regret.
In April I celebrated the third year of The Druid Bird! That was pretty exciting, the rest of the month was littered with internet connection issues and I asked some difficult/awkward questions about the nature of mental illness and the legacy of self-harm… which is pretty standard for me.
I also kept you updated on the reaction to my street performance and started to have doubts about having a career as an actress, something that I think anyone who read my angry posts about auditioning might have seen coming.
By May enough time had passed that I felt comfortable giving you guys an update on how badly I was failing to keep my New Years resolutions. Joy. I also wrote some pretty deep posts about mental illness, I talked about how throwing around terms like ‘OCD’ are not helpful, and about my fledgling relationship and how it was helping me to see myself in a more positive light.
This was a strange month for me, my partner went overseas for a while and I had to deal with being apart from him for the first time. At the same time I was in a play which got wonderful reviews and I celebrated the Solstice. In terms of the blog I talked about how I didn’t want to act any more and my thoughts on creating theatre.
June was the month when the black dog came to stay, my later posts were about exhaustion and depression. By this point in time my course was stressing me out like crazy and I was desperately unhappy with the choices ahead of me.
I was stressed in July, I started off the month with a rant about my life and how tired I was. This was the month when I was taking my ATCL exam and also being asked to do about a thousand other things at the same time. This is the month where things kind of reached a head between me and the owner of the school I was attending. July ended with me writing about how I’d finally grown the balls to stand up to her. Reading it back I’m quite proud of myself. Go Wren!
I also touched on noticing self harm in other people, my rubbish options for the next year of my life and even dipped into some poetry.
This was a strange month, my year of training got ugly as all pretences were dropped. My mental health was used against me and I finally started to see things how they really were. I pulled out of University and decided to put my happiness before what other people thought. I had a horrendous time at the Edinburgh Fringe and actually cried with relief when it was all over.
Yes. It really was THAT bad.
This month marked five years since my mental health went to pot. It marked half a decade of living with a mental illness. I also talked about suicide, prevention and the teacher who saved my life. I had a great time in September, I was working out the course I was going to be taking and I was enjoying my freedom. It felt like I had my life back.
This was also the month that I stated writing about feminism! Whoo!
As if that wasn’t enough, I ended the month talking about babies. Whoah.
In October I had time to relax, work through my new course and look back on things. I wrote about my anger towards CAMHS and how I felt like I’d wasted my teenage years struggling through depression without proper help.
I also wrote about virginity, something that I’ve wanted to do for a long time but never really had the guts to. I followed on from my posts about feminism to tackle body image and sexual abuse… it was a sex filled month for TDB.
I ended October by taking a wonderful trip to Scarborough with my partner and having a wonderful Samhain.
November was a really tough month, I took two exams and dealt with several deaths. It marked two years since my friend killed herself, another girl at my old school committed suicide and I lost my Grandma. The posts mainly revolved around death with a bit of feminism at the start of the month when I wrote about Young Adult literature and heroines.
We started this month by saying goodbye to my Grandma, that was pretty tough. My partner was also away again for a while which meant that I went a little stir-crazy. I had to get on with UCAS applications, something that I talked about towards the end of the month. I also put up some festive posts and a few updates on where TDB will be going.
Sadly I was struck down by a horrible bug over Xmas, so that was pretty much a write off, but we’re heading towards the end of the year with optimism!
’til next time,