I feel like I’ve reached the end of a long running documentary series, right now there should be a shot of me staring idly into the distance with a caption that reads ‘Wren went on give up acting and become the manager of a supermarket. She now lives in Stoke with two cats.”
Or something like that.
In the end it was easy. My year long course finished with a whimper, rather than a bang. I’m never going to go back to the school that I did it with, or speak the person that ran it. In the end the decision to cut all ties was easy and I don’t regret it.
The last year has been hell, I don’t know how I’ve managed to get through it and not have a total breakdown. I’ve come away with good qualifications, I’m now in a decent educational position and I’m glad of that. Right now I can’t think about going into education, I need some time to recover from the mental beating that I have endured this year.
I could tell you everything that was done and said, I could tell you why I’m so relieved to see the back of everything- but I feel that that would be too much of a rant, and I don’t want to rant.
But I will say this:
Never, ever listen to anyone who tells you that you are not good enough. Never listen to anyone who upsets you- never accept excuses from someone who humiliates you. Never forget who you are, give up your ideals. Never let yourself be belittled, manipulated or controlled.
No qualification is worth that. No qualification in the world is worth compromising not only your mental health but simply yourself.
Never be afraid to walk away; if you feel that something isn’t right then it probably isn’t.
Life is short, be thankful of what you have and don’t take people you love for granted. Think about how you feel when you’re around certain people or in certain places; if you feel like crap then walk away. Don’t put up with shit, fuck what excuses they give- you don’t deserve it.
My course ended for good yesterday. I cried with happiness when I got back home with my partner, I cried when I spoke to my mother today- I can’t put into words how glad I am that it’s over, how bloody glad I am that I will never have to be trapped or degraded in that way again. And now I know what it truly feels like I will try my hardest never to get into that situation again.
Thank you to all of my readers; lurkers and commenters, thank you for sticking by me through a tough year. The cage has been opened and this Wren can fly free again!
Here’s to the future; I don’t know what I’m going to do with it but I’m not scared.
’til next time,