My Gods give me hope. It’s really that simple- this world is stupid and confusing, sometimes I stop and wonder what the hell I’m doing even being alive… but my Gods give me hope.
What is hope?
Forget the dictionary, for me ‘hope’ is a feeling that there is purpose or a goal to something- it’s an inexplicable yet deeply ingrained knowledge that something meaningful/important will happen.
I’ve been thinking a lot about hope recently. It’s sprung up so much in my life- for someone who considers themselves a cynical bitch I have a lot of hope. I blame my religion for this, the Gods seem to inspire hope in me, they give me a kind of inner calmness and innate knowledge that yes, things are going to get better.
For example, I’ve just had my career hopes shat on once again- I have no idea what I’m going to do for next year or even for the rest of my life. I should probably be panicking… but I’m not, I feel oddly calm about the whole thing. I just know that something will work out. I accepted a long time ago that I wasn’t going to be a rich, famous actress- but I’m going to do something meaningful with my life. Even if I don’t get to be a successful actress, even if I spend the rest of my life being rejected and getting bit parts I don’t care.
The Gods have a plan for me; whatever that plan is I’m starting to think that it’s not what I always wanted it to be. And weirdly I think I’m alright with that.
Hope is a wonderful thing. I’d honestly given up on some things but the Gods have shown me a way- they’ve shown me again and again that there’s more to life than money and qualifications. Ever since I gave up on being ‘the cleverest’ my life has become amazing and worthwhile. Academia is (are?) great, but it’s never done me any favours. I’ve always been ‘clever’ but I didn’t have a life until I stopped caring about it.
The Gods have shown me how to live, they’ve given me the courage to follow my dreams and watch them crumble in front of me. I never feel alone- I always feel like they’re right here with me, giving me the strength, courage and hope to carry on down the path that I’m walking.