Three years ago today I sat down and wrote my first ever post here on The Druid Bird (you can read it here) it was marking roughly two weeks since my fourth (and to date, final) suicide attempt.
Looking back I don’t think it’s a coincidence that since starting this blog I haven’t tried to end my life. I’ve thought about it a lot, I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking about it, but I’ve never made a move to act on it.
I needed something to give me focus and somewhere that I could be myself. I’m actually kind of proud of my older posts- I read through them a while ago expecting to want to delete all of them but was pleasantly surprised by the level of maturity that shone through. I’m very proud of this little blog.
I’ve abandoned this blog a few times, but each time I think I’ve come back stronger and with more passion.
I plan to keep going on here for as long as I have things to talk about, this blog evolves as I do.
Three years ago I had nothing. There was nothing else for me to lose. I felt like it would be kinder to myself and everyone around me if I was to disappear. I thought that I had nothing else to offer the world.
It’s not been easy or quick, but three years later and I’m sociable, confident and emotionally resilient. I have a job, am following my dream career, I have lots of wonderful friends, a good home and the most amazing partner a woman could ask for. The future is terrifying, my mental health problems are still on-going, but I have a life and I believe that I deserve to live it.
And of course, what would a blog be without its readers? I owe all of you so much, I wish there was some way that I could tell you how much the time that you spend reading, liking and commenting on here means to me- but you’re just going to have to take my word for it.
Thank you- here’s to another three years!
’til next time,