I like to go out… in fact, I would say that I like to go out a lot, but being teetotal means that sometimes I notice things that everyone else seems to forget- for your entertainment here’s a quick list of things that you shouldn’t do on a night out (or: things that just piss me off.)
- PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY… NOW! Unless there’s a damn good reason I don’t want to see the bloody thing- especially not when I’m trying to talk to you.
- Don’t drink whilst dancing; this is never going to end well, even with little alcohol inside you on an empty dance floor you WILL spill something. Probably over me.
- DON’T. STAND. ON. MY. FEET. This is easily number one, the next person to step on me feet will get a slap- firstly, I happen to like my shoes, and secondly, my toes break very easily and I’m rather attached to them. Get the hell off my feet.
- Don’t spill alcohol on me.
- Don’t stand where everyone wants to walk.
- Don’t wander off… I have better things to do than spend my entire night trying to find the people I came out with.
- Please don’t grope me; this one’s going to be in vain but it just pisses me off- I had a guy get his hand between my legs as he walked past one time- pretty sure that’s sexual assault.
- Don’t try and use drinking as an excuse, it really isn’t. I’m sober and I do stupid shit all the time.
- On that note, if you would like to walk past me the correct etiquette is to place one hand gently on my shoulder to move me out of the way- not a hand on each breast as one cheeky bastard did to me a few months ago.
- Pay attention! I’m sick of tapping people on the should for twenty minutes before they realise I’m trying to get their attention.
- Don’t call people in a club… am I the only person in the world who realises what a bloody stupid and pointless endeavour this is?
- Treat the bar staff with respect. I have a soft spot for bartenders (and bouncers), it’s probably to do with the fact that they’re generally sober and so am I, don’t treat them like shit- they’re there to do their job, not be used for your own entertainment.
- Don’t touch me. If you’re my friend (or my favourite bartender) you’re allowed to touch me to get my attention etc, if you’re not then please don’t. I don’t like it.
Thanks for reading, hope you’ve had a fabulous Wednesday- almost the weekend!
’til next time,