Be My Valentine?

Here it is again.

The day that all single people in the world dread…

I bloody hate Valentine’s Day, it used to be alright when I was younger but now I’m old and grumpy and I hate everything.

Three guesses why I’m still single.

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In theory it’s a lovely day, it’s a day to think about love and positivity but in practise it just makes me acutely aware of how lonely I am, and that’s not something you want to do with me.

Now, don’t get me wrong- there’s a difference between being ‘alone’ and being ‘lonely’, I quite enjoy being alone at times. I find myself to be very good company- I’m not irritating or noisy and I always smell lovely.

However, I hate being lonely. I’ve been lonely for a long, long time. I had one friend in primary school (the fact that I didn’t speak probably didn’t help) and when she wasn’t there I would sit on the steps by myself. Growing up it didn’t really get any better, I’ve never really had a ‘best friend’ and I don’t think anyone’s ever considered me to be their ‘best friend’ either.

It’s not that I’m not sociable- in the last couple of years I’ve made hundreds of friends, I don’t think there’s anyone I don’t get along with. I like looking after people, making them feel better and letting them be who they want to be. I’m nice, it’s not flashy or attractive but it’s true.

I’m not going to sit here and cry that nobody loves me; I’ve been in relationships and I’m incredibly close to all my friends. I know that I can easily make friends, initiate and sustain relationships… it’s just hard for me to find guys that are right for me.

Maybe I’m just picky… anyway, I’m getting off topic here.

Sometimes I wish that relationships were more like job interviews, that way you get a better idea of what’s going to happen and what will be expected of you- it would also help you quickly and easily understand important points about the other person.

To demonstrate, here are things that prospective partners need to know about me:

  • I’m 5ft 1”
  • I like Italian food… in fact I like all food (except Chinese… no actual reason, we’ve just never gotten on… and I have a mild peanut allergy.)
  • I wear red lipstick all the time- yes, I will help you wipe it off your face after we’ve kissed- I’ll even wear the expensive stuff so that it won’t stain your face/clothes/mind.
  • I will get on with anyone, seriously- I LOVE people, put me in a social situation and I’m instantly at home.
  • Some of my favourite films are ‘Ae Fond Kiss’, ‘Penelope’ and ‘The Others’
  • I love history. If you want proof check out my 2014 reading list…
  • I know more about the development of plastic surgery during WW1/the occupation of Poland in WW2/the Ancient Celts/Weaponry and methods of the SOE than any 19 year old girl you will ever meet.
  • I’m an Actress. Acting is the beginning, middle and end of me as a person- the only thing that comes above it is my religion.
  • … Did I mention that I’m a Celtic Pagan? Yeah, that’s important.
  • I love to go clubbing, the mixture of dancing and meeting new people and getting to wear a nice dress appeals to me on every level.
  • I’m teetotal.
  • I have mild dyspraxia (according to my dance teacher. I think it’s just the nice way of saying ‘clumsy as fuck’)
  • My friends call me ‘Mum’
  • 80% of my friends are male… I find men SO MUCH easier to be around than women.
  • My sense of humour is something to behold. I can’t actually describe it in words.
  • I’m like a duck: on the surface moving along calmly, underneath paddling like a maniac.
  • I have depression. It’s not something that will affect you, just something that you should be aware of.
  • I sleep on my front; if I sleep on my back then I have nightmares.
  • I can nap anywhere- public transport is an old favourite.
  • Majorly flexible; ex-gymnast and occasional contortionist.
  • Crying is my basic emotional response to EVERYTHING. All you need to do is cuddle me and wait until I finish… and maybe provide tissues.
  • I love to cuddle.

Be my Valentine?

Hope wherever you are, whoever you’re with or not with, you’re feeling loved and valued- because you- yes YOU- darling reader of this blog, deserve it.

*HUGS*

Wren xxx

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6 thoughts on “Be My Valentine?

  1. *Hugs Back* Happy Valentines Day Wren. It’s difficult to think often, to be so compassionate and then have a day where we feel so alone. From what I’ve learned, in defeating loneliness by ourselves we find a beautiful sense of peace. Each time that peace is discovered it lasts longer and becomes stronger. You have a lot to offer and give much selflessly, I hope you feel loved and valued as well, not only on Valentines Day but as often as possible. As always, much respect.

    • Thank you so much, I wish that Valentine’s day was more focussed on love and not ‘couples’- ‘love’ isn’t just felt between people in romantic relationships and I think our society focusses too much on that. I’m lucky enough to have a lot of love in my life and I’m not in a romantic relationship- and you’re right, loneliness is hard and horrible but each time we beat it we’re made stronger.
      It was lovely to hear from you and I hope you’re doing well,
      Wren x

      • I completely agree. I had been struggling with that notion for quite some time. Societal love vs. Existential love. Two very very different forms of love, one is endless and expressed in many ways, the other dependent on an ideal and person. I’m happy you have a lot of love, it’s important, and it’s especially great that you’re aware of it (though there were no doubts you wouldn’t be.) Currently I’m alone by societal standards but for the most part I’ve grown content and learned to appreciate, Valentines day was another day. I released a song that day and it was very well received which was great. Perspective makes all the difference I think. Always lovely to hear from you as well, been reading what you write since you commented on my Blog nearly 2 years ago when I was very near making a horrible decision. You reached out and your words meant a ton to me. Thanks for that. I hope you’re doing well too.

      • I’m glad about your song, I went out for a quiet drink with a friend of mine and had a really lovely time. Perspective is a wonderful thing, though it’s sometimes hard to grasp in our society. I can’t believe it’s been nearly two years- that’s a little bit scary! I can’t tell you how glad I am to hear that (I’ve rewritten that sentence about seven times but I can’t find the right words to express how touched and humble I feel.)
        There’s a lot of love in the world- you just have to know where to look.
        Wren x

  2. *HUGS* I’m in the process of writing an alternative valentine to email/inbox to my friends, as today I’m only spending the afternoon with Josh as he has uni and drama morning and evening. But, hey, any excuse to self love with ice cream, bubble bath and book, right?

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