There comes a time when we walk away from our Gods for a while, we forget rituals and meanings that once held everything and wander alone down the crooked path.
I’m a bad Pagan- of course the Gods are still in my heart and at the centre of my life but I haven’t spoken with them or done a ritual in months.
As we get closer and closer to Samhain I find my life becoming increasingly more complicated. I’m starting to realise that I’ve spent the last six or so months since my nasty break-up cutting myself off from the world.
I remember being so angry when things ended with my ex because I was tired of being sad, I just wanted to live and be happy and appreciate things. After I’d healed I started to throw myself into life and live without thinking of the consequences
Of course there are good and bad points to everything, and living like that has given me so many amazing opportunities but also come back to haunt me several times when I’ve done something stupid and reckless.
I really want to spend some time with my Gods this Samhain, I want to meditate and read my tarot cards and talk to them. I want to spend some time with nature and feel again. It’s coming up to the one year anniversary of my friend’s suicide, and I need time with the Gods to acknowledge that.
As well as that I think I need to acknowledge what an incredible rollercoaster of a year that it’s been. So much has happened and it’s totally changed me as a person, I want to spend some time thinking about that.
So yeah, I’m a bad Pagan- I haven’t been observing the festivals or praying or spending time with nature or talking to the Gods, and I want to start. I feel more grounded and more like myself when I’m connected to the Gods- but at the same time I do recognise that being a ‘bad Pagan’ for a time is necessary
The best way I can describe it is like a teenage rebellion or a child moving away from home. Sometimes I think we need to leave the Gods, walk through the world and explore without thinking of the consequences for a while.
Right now I’m starting to feel like I need to connect to the Gods again, that it’s time to look at the lessons I’ve learnt and put them to use. Boring things like ‘social responsibility’ are nipping at my heels and I need to reflect on my life.
Well that all sounds very random and cryptic doesn’t it? Don’t worry, it’s not all as weird as it sounds.
What do you think? Have you had times where you left the Gods/religion/stopped doing rituals? Do you think it benefitted you?
’til next time,