I think the title kind of sums everything I wanted to say here up…. but here’s the long version.
I started this blog a few years ago (lets not think too hard about that… twas a freaking long time ago) when I was in the middle of a mental health crisis and seriously struggling. I felt alone and desperate and I wanted a voice.
Having this here helped a hell of a lot, it was my reason for getting out of bed most mornings and I don’t know what I would have done without it.
However, in the past year especially I’ve changed a hell of a lot as a person- generally for the better (I hope) I’m now the person that I’ve always wanted to be. It’s still hard, I’ve had to overcome some pretty crippling social anxiety amongst other things but I can see light at the end of the tunnel now. Every day I have to push myself to be the person that I want and not sink back into the quagmire of mental hell that left me unable to sit in a room with people that I didn’t know.
Over the last month (or few months) things have changed rapidly for me, I had a whirlwind summer romance, aquainted myself with several other men, gained some new friends, cut ties with old ones, developed a serious sense of self AND was offered a gifted and talented scholarship for a one year intensive actor training course with a local drama school.
To summarise Ladies and Gents, I am living the dream (still working in a supermarket, still living with the family, still mental… but apart from all that…)
So, I was faced with a hard choice: either leave this blog as a relic of the past, or give it an overhaul and move it forward.
Now, I’m not a quitter- and I’m not someone to cut themselves off from their past, so I’ve decided to move this thing forward into the new chapter of my life. To do this I’ve decided to mark some of my older posts as private, I’m doing this because I don’t want anyone I know to read them- not because I’m ashamed, but because I feel that those years are incredibly private and I don’t want to share them with anyone I know (but obviously I feel totally fine about sharing them with a bunch of total strangers on the internet ?!?!- Nice one Wren…) and you might see my actual face.
Yeah, I know, it scares me too, but I have to see it every single day so I’m sure you can deal with a few photos…
Now, somehow over the next year I’m going to have to work out how to juggle 12 hours of supermarket work, 30 hours of actor training, my personal diary and the book I’m writing/editing/planning + homework for my course every week. This is a pre-warning that it may all go wrong and I’ll suffer from some huge emotional breakdown… but I’ll try!
To all those who have read and commented and lurked over the years- THANK YOU! I love every single one of you for taking the time to read my randomness.
’til next time,