An Update

Those of you who’ve followed this blog for a while may be starting to notice a pattern- when there is a gap in posting it generally means that shit had happened…

So yeah, erm, shit seriously happened… two weeks ago today my Auntie felt ill, went into A&E (oh god, this is already starting to sound like a clichéd teen novel *sigh*) where she collapsed and was put on life support. I spent most of my evenings sat in ITU with her until Saturday when I went out to one of my oldest friend’s eighteenth- came back home, walked into the house to find Ma standing listlessly in the hallway holding my Auntie’s handbag and staring into space.

I knew as soon as I saw Ma that she’d died… those of you who’ve been following this blog for a REALLY long time will remember me talking about my Auntie who was in a coma a couple of years ago- well this is a DIFFERENT Auntie… seems that my family is cursed.

It’s been really weird, I thought I’d react exactly the same as when Bea took her life before xmas- but I haven’t, when she first got taken into hospital I didn’t sleep, I cried all the time and was generally hysterical but since she’s died I’ve felt nothing. I’ve barely even cried. I have periods where I think about her and I can’t breathe- I just literally can’t breathe, but I don’t feel sad. I think I just kind of feel overwhelmed and exhausted by it all.

More than anything I wish I could grieve, I wish I could sit and sob like I did for Bea- but for some reason I just can’t, it’s like I feel nothing for her- which is bullshit. I’ve been incredibly close to her my whole life and the thought of never seeing her again is horrible- but I just can’t feel anything.

There’s lots of other stuff whirling about in my head at the moment- but I’m going to stick to this for now- I’m a little bit too jumbled up to think of anything else.

’til next time,

Wren x

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4 thoughts on “An Update

  1. Wren, I had this many years ago when my nephew died, I was 24 and I did not grieve for a week or so, but one day when I came in from work I just went up to my room and let it all out, Give it time, and you will grieve for her, at this time The Gods are keeping you strong for your family’s sake.

    Dave

  2. Hey Wren, hows tricks? just dropped by to wish you well and , I hope, to send you and yours the brightest blessings from our Earth Mother Danu, and the Eternal Flame Brid.

    Regards and Respect to you,

    Dave

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