The Quest For Milk and Other Stories

As you may have noticed (or not) I’ve been a little absent lately- I spent last week writing essays and tidying- I have no idea what I was doing on Friday or why I didn’t put up a Pagan Blog Project post but I thought I’d better detail the events of my weekend as they might go some way to explaining why it’s taken me until Thursday to catch you all up 😉

On Saturday I went along with Cee and various others to a birthday party for one of my best friends, it was an overnight house party thing and we had a really hilarious time playing ‘I have never’ and chatting with people (especially as when we played ‘I have never’ I was sat slightly behind everyone else so they couldn’t see that I kept sipping from my glass… it’s always the quiet ones.)

It got to about 2am when everyone else started to curl up on the sofa and think about going to sleep, however me and Cee were planning to pull an all nighter as usual and she decided that in order to do this she needed coffee, my other friend Jay agreed on this point and so the two of them started rooting around the kitchen only to discover that we were sadly devoid of milk…

After lamenting about the fact that the ASDA down the road had cruelly lied in its claims to be open 24 hours per day (seriously people, don’t call it a 24 hour shop if it’s only open 24 hours per day five days a week… it’s just frustrating and false marketing) we decided to go down and check the ASDA garage just in case. Myself, Jay and Cee all walked down there, discovered it wasn’t open and then decided to go up onto the roof (the upper car park- we didn’t scale a building in heels and short skirts) where Jay took a picture of Cee looking terrified and me shamelessly vogue-ing next to her.

We then wandered back (away from the chavs) to my friend’s house where we bumped into another friend who was taking some time out- we asked if he wanted to come on a milk quest with us, he did and so we started walking down to some public gardens (don’t ask what this had to do with milk, I really don’t know!) which turned out to be private… we took a few steps inside when all the floodlights turned off of their own accord plunging us into darkness. At this point Cee and my friend fled, leaving me and Jay to walk on until we reached a very private looking house and my visions of vicious dogs leaping from the shrubbery to attack us got the better of us and we turned around and fled.

We ended up sitting on a wall until a very drunk man stumbled past, Jay asked him if he knew where we could buy milk. He stared at us before spinning around in a circle, asking if we’d seen his girlfriend and then stumbling back the way he came. At this point we had a serious conference, my friend went back to the house and we all decided that the only place that would have non drunk, normal people awake at this time of night would be the hospital.

So after much dithering we three ladies in short skirts and heels (well, I was dressed 40s, but you get the picture) set off in the direction of the hospital. We had to stop after about five minutes to get our bearings, this ended up with Cee winning the award for the best one liner of the evening with ‘guys, can we move off the street corner, it’s not sending out the right message…’

It was at this point that Jay realised her friend lived in the area and sent him a text asking if he was awake as we started to weave through some seriously dodgy alleyways to the hospital.

At this point it was around 3am and amazingly Jay got a text back- we ended up stood on yet another street corner as she phoned him and tried to make him believe that we were not totally mental for wanting milk at 3am and that he should let us into his house.

After a while he finally agreed and gave us his address… at which point Jay started to laugh. We turned around to see him stood, totally starkers in the window of the building opposite where we were stood! We all waved (it was 3am, two thirds of us were still tipsy and the other third is Pagan, there was no awkwardness) he disappeared for a moment and then reappeared holding aloft a carton of milk. We all cheered and waved hysterically before crossing the road and making our way into his building and up to his flat.

We graciously received the milk and headed back the house to coffee and warmth. We sat chatting until morning when ASDA opened, we then headed down to get breakfast and a present for our naked milkman. We got him a card and a carton of milk which Jay tried to shove through his letterbox before finally giving up and leaving it on his doorstep. We then went back to the house to make a cooked breakfast for everyone and tidy everything up from the party.

All in all it was a pretty crazy and hilarious night- I didn’t sleep at all until Sunday night, I then had volunteering the next day. I was honestly so spaced, I kept fucking up the till and generally staring out the window for my shift, I must have looked bonkers.

Tuesday was spent shopping and I don’t know what else… my mind is drawing a blank… then yesterday I went over to Jay’s to help her paint her bedroom. If I fuck up the acting I reckon I have a shining career as a painter and decorator ahead of me.

I spent yesterday evening and the whole of today (bar when I went down to the ATM to top up my phone and helped my Da move a cabinet) watching the Paralympics which are completely awesome, I watched the entire opening ceremony last night, even through the boring bits where all the hundreds of countries walk into the stadium. I’m just annoyed that it’s going to be on when I have to go back to school, so I’m trying to make the most of it now 🙂

Hope you’re all doing well, ’til next time (which will hopefully be a Pagan Blog Project post tomorrow.)

Wren x


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