*This is my 100th post!*
So last night I finally bit the bullet and had some me-time (and Lammas celebrating time) which involved a nice long meditation. I started out doing guided meditation which I pulled the plug on when it got to the time to come out and then went even deeper.
To be honest it was a pretty overwhelming experience, it was a bit like if you didn’t open or move the post for about a year, one day you’d come downstairs and be confronted by a sea of letters and junk mail.
Anyway, I went to meet my patroness, the lovely Brighid- I came to our usual clearing and was instantly swamped by her voice telling me things, it was so powerful that I fell to my knees and crawled into the middle of the clearing. I asked her to come out and show herself but she said that I wasn’t ready for that yet and that I would be overwhelmed.
I took a moment to cover my face with my hands and wait, listening to the stillness of the forest before slowly opening my eyes and looking around.
At this point she emerged from the summer-house (yes, I have a summer-house in my little meditation world. I don’t know why, I just know that it caused a beautiful WTF moment when I first saw it) and darted across to me, she looked different to how she usually does, more cartoonish with faded colours and was completely frantic- this is Brighid, Brighid who’s usually calm personified with careful, calm speech and fluid movements- she was spewing out words at 100mph and tugging at my clothes. I don’t think she took her hands off me the entire time, she was either on her knees with her arms around my waist or crouching with her hands clawing into my shoulders.
She told me a lot of things, when I first came into the clearing there was a cattle skull and a cow bell, when I asked if she had anything to say about my go-to-Guy she replied simply with ‘snake’ and told me that (I don’t know if I’ve mentioned but I’ve fallen out with one of my friends who I’m going on holiday with, she yelled and swore at me when she was drunk and I was trying to stop her doing stupid things- I’ve wanted some space from her these last couple of weeks to calm down and move on but she’s now bombarding me with vile texts and emails. I even texted her saying that everything was fine and that I was just taking some time alone to which she responded incredibly foully to and is now just attacking me.) I should be like a river with my friend and all her drama as the breeze, it moves over me, barely stirring me. When I asked her what I should do about my friend being a bitch to me I felt this roaring, burning anger in my heart (literally in my physical heart, it was weird but amazing) and Brighid’s eyes turned black. She said that: ‘anyone who crosses us shall be ripped apart.’ Which I took as a fairly definitive answer.
I then asked her why she was so frantic and unlike herself, she told me that it was me projecting on her and became quite visibly upset, she kept repeating: you’re in deeper than you think, you’re in deeper than you think, you’re in deeper than you think… which kind of worries me, she said that I’m not looking after myself properly, I’m suppressing too much stuff that shouldn’t be suppressed and is coming out in other ways.
She also emphasised that I’ll only be in Harrogate and the north for another year and so I should spend the time up here that I have left not getting into trouble *coughpaganboycough* with regards to the Pagan Boy situation she said that I should be very careful and back off as I only have a year to go and just need to keep my head down for that time.
I’m sure I’ll remember other stuff later but that was the gist of it, I’m going to look up the cow bell and the snake later and report back. Feel free to comment if you have any insight or thoughts on it all!
‘til next time,