The Black Dog Is Back

So… I seem to be kind of absent from blogging at the moment (with the exclusion of Pagan Fridays) and if you’ve been reading this blog for a while you may be able to guess why… that’s right. I’m depressed.

I’ve been putting off saying that for a few days- I’ve been feeling off for about a week or so, but it really kicked in around Sunday and these past few days have been hell. It’s just getting worse and worse and I don’t know what to do.

I’m still waiting for CAMHS to get back to me- it’s been nearly five months. I can’t do this much longer and part of me’s just really scared.

I’m trying to do what I’ve been doing for the past few months, just focussing on the little things- like tonight I got in to find an amazon package with my new CDs and I’ve got a sewing project to be getting on with.

I need some time off and a holiday, I just want to bake and sit in the garden and do simple, pointless stuff instead of having to sit in a classroom and concentrate when all I want to do is yell at the teachers.

I missed my period this month which only happens when I’m seriously stressed or depressed, and it was meant to come around the time when I got back from Italy and I sure as hell wasn’t stressed then *sigh*

For some reason I’m really angry at the moment- like really, really angry. I’m not usually an angry person, I’m actually pretty mellow. It takes a lot to make me angry- but at the moment I’m a total bitch. One of my teachers ignored me when I went to answer something even though I was sat in front of her with my hand raised so I turned my chair away from her and spent the whole lesson reading a book. I didn’t look at her or do the work she asked us to do (to be fair I have an ongoing thing with this teacher anyway so that was just the icing on the cake.)

My appearance is sliding a little- I’m desperately trying to remedy that by dressing more formal and wearing more make-up. I’m sleeping far too much- I usually get about seven hours a night but am now getting around eleven and still feeling shit. I feel like I’m made out of lead at the moment.

To top off all this shit-ness I came in from school, took my shoes off, walked down the hall to the kitchen and managed to walk into the skirting board and break my little toe. And yes, it is broken, I felt it to check and… actually, you don’t want to know what I felt, just trust me when I say it was both incredibly painful and rather grim.

I’ve managed to break pretty much all my toes in the course of my life through doing gymnastics and being generally clumsy, so this isn’t a new thing for me- it’s just really, really annoying.

*Sigh*

I leave you with pretty sunset pictures from the Solstice 🙂

’til next time,

Wren x

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