Conflicting Emotions: ‘Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow’

I’m going to start with some good news, do you remember a little while ago I said that I was auditioning for a part in a production of Romeo and Juliet for the Schools Shakespeare Festival? Well I had my audition… and I got Juliet! I’m kind of still in a daze about that- I was too terrified to go and look at the cast list so I was sat in a room chatting to my friends when I saw Michael come running down the corridor- I knew then that I’d got it- he burst into the room and said: “Wren, I’ve got some good news… you’re Juliet!” At which I point I promptly tackled him into a hug.

The only problem with this whole scene was the fact that there was an exam on in the next room so we had to be almost silent- my little celebration was apparently hilarious as it consisted of me spinning around and around in a circle punching the air, I’m still completely gobsmacked but apparently my audition was really good- I can’t wait to get my teeth into it, everybody keeps asking if I’m going to have to kiss Romeo… and I’m not sure, I don’t mind either way, I’m a professional, I’d just quite like to know!

So yeah, I’m going to be on stage at the West Yorkshire Playhouse on the 18th of October (I think) as Juliet! Say hi if you spot me 🙂

Anyway, I want to talk about something that’s been on my mind a little lately, it stems from something my best friend said in an email to me a few days ago, she said:

I can tell something’s bothering you but you always keep a smile in your face- you’re brilliant and strong, Wren! Don’t forget that!

Okay, so that seems like a nice thing for someone to say- and it is, but it’s the implication that bothers me, I know I’m tough- but I admitted to her that I was struggling and she told me that I could deal with it on my own… I only admit that things are bad when I can’t deal with them on my own.

I know this seems a little ramble-y, so I hope I’m making sense, but basically I feel kind of cut adrift and helpless- I can’t help myself at the moment, I need the support of other people but they don’t know how to give it.

*sigh*

All I can do at the moment is focus on the good stuff in life, thankfully I’ve just landed my dream role so that’s no too hard! I’m going to keep ploughing on and I’ll FINALLY see my psych nurse this friday.

All in all I’m in a weird mood at the moment- both really down but then blindingly happy about the Juliet thing, so I don’t know where I am at the moment, but hopefully happiness will win out 🙂

’til next time,

Wren x

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6 thoughts on “Conflicting Emotions: ‘Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow’

  1. Keep venting on here, maybe you’ll find some good help. I know I’ve gotten some good support and understanding. Sometimes I read others’ blogs that are similar to my feelings and ask them questions.
    I wonder if the “You can deal with it on your own” quote is a way of “sneaking out of responsibility to help.” I don’t know… 😦 That sucks though.

    • Yeah, I feel like the ‘you can deal with it on your own’ thing comes from people not being capable to deal with it and trying to pretend it’s not happening. Thanks for your comment and support! 🙂

  2. Congratulations, Plays are often quite exciting and you did extremely well to get the lead part. Pride is a feeling you should be feeling, you deserve to feel it, I must say I’ve felt the same way in the past as the second part of your post, though for me things were quite different. I more or less had to attend therapy and put anti-depressants into my system, it wasn’t an option really after my multiple attempts to leave this Earth. So I was pretty much forced to get help. For me, I’ve always kept to myself. I hold it in as long as I possibly can and the pressure becomes unbearable. At those points, self injury and drug abuse, or even suicide become a possibility. Asking for help isn’t on that list. I know it could benefit me, but I don’t do it. People know something is wrong when I crack because of the music I listen to, the way I look and talk, and some things I say. I don’t do it consciously either. It could be possible that you’re throwing out subconscious signals and people who are in tune with them are picking them up. If you are struggling to that extent, maybe ask for advice and help instead of just saying you are struggling? I know it feels as though you are stripping pride and losing a part of you that you’ve relied upon for so long, but what’s better in the long run? Feeling better or having support if you need it – or reverting to things that the pressure in your mind brings up. As your friend said, you are brilliant and strong, and I know this from the few posts I’ve read on this page. I have no problem saying that and meaning it either. I apologize for writing this book in your comment stream, I just felt it may need to be done. Hold on Wren, life is a bumpy ride and loses many passengers along the way, the best way to make it is to find a way to become the driver. Have a good rest of your day/evening (depending on your time zone)

    TEams – TrustingAcquiescence

    • Thank you, I’m the same in that I always try and deal with things by myself, but eventually the pressure will get to me and I’ll end up snapping- for me it either comes out as self injury or a suicide attempt. I know it’s not a brilliant way of coping but I’d rabidly independant, I have to deal with things on my own. As cliched as it sounds I do have trust issues. I think you’re right about the subconscious signals. Thank you so much for what you’ve said, and don’t worry about writing a book of a comment, trust me when I say I’ll end up returning the favour someday.
      I act a lot in real life, I put on a mask and so when people pay me a compliment it always feels false, like they’re complimenting someone else- but on here I really bare my soul, I talk about what I want to talk about and I don’t hide behind walls, so whenever I get a compliment or supportive comment it really means a lot.
      Thank you again,
      Wren x

      • You’re very welcome. I think you’d like what I just wrote on mine. The quote that I put on Facebook I think would apply to you quite well. Keep that chin up girl, things will improve. Just put all the good you possibly can out into this world, and it will return much stronger than it was put out. I can tell you have a lot of good in you, and I have faith that you will put it to good use when you find the niche you’re meant for. I believe you will return the favor, and even if you don’t it’s okay. I wrote here for you, not for me. That’s how it is. Keep up the beautiful writing, you have a lot to offer this world, and I can’t wait to see it blossom as I know it will.

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