On Driving, Drama, CAHMS and Being a Whore

I feel like I’ve been silent for a while so I thought I’d better post something… the main reason for my absence is that I’ve been kind of mentally swamped lately. Stress triggers my hallucinations and other badgers so I had an interesting few nights last week.

Right now I’m piddling along day by day, as is recommended 🙂 went to a good party on Friday night and met a nice bloke- he was rather a bit older than me (six years) but we had a nice time flirting, playing twister and generally chatting- and yeah, I obviously beat him at twister, it’s one of the benefits of being a contortionist.

I’ve been kind of stressed lately due to the looming exams, I’m in that mood right now where I hate all those people who can just pull it out of the bag at the last-minute. I need to get these grades or my life is screwed- fuck positivity, that’s the truth!

I’ve also started driving, which is an experience and a half! I’ve done some hilarious things, mainly screaming when going around a roundabout and getting distracted by an odd-looking dog only to look up and see a double-decker bus heading towards me! The latter was made even more terrifying as my driving instructor just sat and screamed, haha. It was funny afterwards once we weren’t facing imminent death but at the time I may have wet myself slightly 😉

I also had a small epiphany lately, it was quite a nice one too- basically, I’m in a group of five, it’s me and two couples (yeah, I’ve whinged about this before) which means that I’m constantly the odd one out and it can be pretty painful- as a result I’ve been desperately trying to get a boyfriend for months now. Anyway, my epiphany was that I don’t want a guy… yeah, you read that right people, I, Wren Saille, a teenage girl, am happy being single!

… hear that? Yep, that was the sound of all the YA authors in the world gasping.

Explaining why I’m happy being single makes me sound kind of like a whore, but I’m going to do it anyway.

My reasoning is that I’m seventeen, I’m a teenager, I’ve got plenty of time for serious relationships once I’ve moved out of Harrogate and settled down with a job and a life, right now I want to meet as many guys as possible (replace the word ‘meet’ with whatever other verb you think is most appropriate.) And okay, so that makes me sound like a tease and a slut, but I only flirt with people that I’m genuinely attracted to- I just happen to be attracted to quite a lot of men… to be honest I think it must be personality that attracts me to guys because all the guys that I’ve ever fancied look completely different!

If I meet a guy that I like and get on with then I wouldn’t say no to a relationship, but I’ve seen all the good and bad points of relationships from watching my friends (and from my own experience) and I can safely say that right now I want to play the field. I’m one of those people who’s going to end up joined with one guy until death and having a thousand children, so I reckon I should enjoy my wild youth whilst I can.

Anyway… I’m auditioning for a production of Romeo and Juliet- am going up against about a hundred other girls for the main role so it’s highly unlikely that I’ll get it, but if I don’t try then I won’t get anything.

Lately I’ve been reading this and listening to this:

Spent Sunday indulging in my guilty obsession: Titanic, and that’s the ship, not the film/TV programme/whatever else you can think of. I spent the whole day watching documentaries and had a little cry at one point (let me off, it was late and I was stressed and emotional!)

My drama piece is coming along very well, we’ve finally decided on an idea and are now working on blocking it out and actually rehearsing, which is a relief! I’m actually looking forward to drama lessons now that I know it’s not going to be an hour of fighting with each other about our plotline.

Talking of fighting- remember I was saying about how I was going to rip it out of my psych nurse when I next saw her? Well she sent me a text a few hours ago offering me an appointment on Friday the 4th of MAY… that’s in two weeks time. I know I was complaining and saying that I wanted to be left alone, but I’m just really pissed off right now. I’m sick of them calling the shots. I was incredibly tempted to text back saying ‘is that the best you can do?’ but have stopped myself. Yes, I am a snarky bitch at the moment.

Part of my mind is worrying that I’m going down the wrong path- people who have been sexually abused tend to go down one of two paths, they either completely refuse to do anything sexual or they go out and try and get with everyone they can (I’ve also noticed this second response in people who have been bullied or neglected… and for some reason that sentence makes me sound like a wildlife presenter…) I’m a little bit worried that I may be trying to get off with guys in order to compensate- but it’s not like I’m sleeping with them, and I’m not two-timing anyone- at the moment I think it’s healthy, but I’m going to keep an eye on it just it case it starts to spiral out of control.

Going to be spending this Saturday at the Pagan Federation’s Spring Conference in York so if you’re going to be there let me know and I’ll try and say hello!

Oh, and did you know that if you google ‘Paganism Druid sex blog’ this blog is the top result? I didn’t think I talked about it THAT much but obviously I’ve been corrupted by my friends- and I got that off the stats, I didn’t sit around googling ‘Paganism Druid sex blog’ I’m not that weird.

’til next time,

Wren x

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