My drum on my altar... sideways because technology hates Wren

In my religion the God that I seem to have the greatest connection with is Dagda, he’s the Irish father God, a huge muscled warrior who goes about the battlefield sweeping the enemy aside with his great club. The Dagda is not known for his brain power, but is kind and compassionate- the original gentle giant.

One of the most well-known attributes of the Dagda is his harp, he is incredibly talented and can play the most beautiful music on this tiny, delicate instrument. The idea of such a huge, almost oafish giant playing the harp with precision and passion is one that has always interested me, possibly because my own choice of instrument is the exact opposite.

I am a small, petite and generally delicate looking girl. My instrument? The drum. I love drumming- for me it embodies freedom and passion and being able to express myself in a relaxed way. I express myself through my writing as well, but that’s done in a slow and controlled manner. With my drum I can sit down and play, I don’t need to worry about phrasing things correctly or having proper grammar. I just need to drum. I love music, the passion and expression that comes through the notes is… indescribable.

I think one of the main reasons that drumming appeals to me as opposed to other instruments is that with things like the clarinet or the flute you have to be controlled and precise, I played the clarinet for three years and associate that with physical pain- anyone who plays will know what I’m talking about when I say that the pressure you need to apply on pressing down on the holes leaves large dents in your fingers and the reed leaves your lips dry and saliva covered. Drumming isn’t like that.

As I’ve said in a previous post, words are meaningless to me. I’m so used to lying to people that I don’t see the meaning in words anymore. I’m also so used to being ignored that I’ve learnt that my voice is meaningless. When I drum people hear, people listen. My voice is a little quiet, my drum is not. People are surprised when I smile and tell them that I’m a drummer. It gives me a voice and a worth, I feel like a proper, real person when I drum. The sound is so primal and so ancient- the first sound we hear is our mother’s heartbeat- it just rushes through me and makes my hair stand on end. The vibrations make me feel alive, they connect me to the world when I feel a little- distant, I drum out my frustrations and my pain, I unleash my anger and my energy through my drum and use it to make music. It helps me to take something destructive, something that has destroyed me and turn it into something good.

It’s my dream to drum on stage, to perform for a living. I want to make music and play music and be able to make something positive out of the thing that has torn my life apart.

And that’s why I love drumming.

Listening to: Argyria by Esben and the Witch. Slow and haunting with a nice beat in the back, not as ‘big’ as some of their other stuff but relaxing and simple.


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